I want to fucking die. I think that it’s just now sunk in how ignorant and bigoted my family is. They would never accept me if they knew about who I really am.
I don’t know how to deal with this.
I’m sorry to hear that. I usually don’t like to reblog other people because I have this complex where if I reblog people, I in a way unnecessarily worship their thoughts and make myself vulnerable to them by having this one post being somewhat unoriginal and not my own.
But I’ll make an exception for you because I can relate.
All I have to say to you is hang in there. Your parents take their established culture too seriously and don’t believe that an individual can feel a certain way that is not culturally accepted. They would not accept you now but that doesn’t mean you should keep on lying about yourself. That only damages you in the long run. Trust me. I know.
When the truth comes out though, it’s not an easy ride. You feel you are under constant surveillance but the only thing you can be under that is yourself and if they can’t handle that…well then they’re not worthy of raising you. All you can do is take responsibility, stand on your two feet, and give them time. But you are sure as hell not obligated to give them the time of forever. You have the right to move on with your life and have your own ideas on what is right and wrong. This may be a scary thing to do because you might lose a support system but you have to consider whether being a slave to their closed-mindedness is really worth it.
The crazy things people sing or write about while they are in this thing called love is very apparent in literature. You just got to make a decision about where you want to stand because if you always listen to people who tell you where to stand, how to stand, and why you should stand then when an earthquake hits your life you will have no faith in yourself because you don’t know the ground you stand on. You can’t close your heart just because some people tell you it’s the safe and right thing to do.
I know the perils of living in a society like yours where people who aren’t cookie cutter or a piece of cake are not accepted. I wish I could change them but the sad truth is that we can’t. Just got to deal with it and move on. Or far away.
