Because that’s the name my daddy gave me.
According to Wikipedia, this last name of mine means “village chief” or “headman”. It is derived from Patlikh, which back in the Indian day was the name used for record keepers hired by rulers to keep track of farmland.
That’s the ancient meaning of my last name. The modern meaning and affiliations this last name of mine is more dramatic and complicated. People have their own stereotypes of what a Patel looks like.
But of course they haven’t met me.
They just know my first name and then my last name if I decide to tell em. I a lot of times don’t tell people my last name when I introduce myself because I don’t want to have judgment passed on me before I do anything. Whether it be good or bad, I want my success or failure to be my own. Not a legacy to my last name.
But then I feel bad.
Because that’s the name my father gave me and this is evidence that I am his daughter and that right now I am under his care and control. That’s a really dramatic and untasteful thing to say. “Under his care and control”. But it’s true as much as I hate to admit it.
My dad is the one man in my life that has taken care of me and could actually control me. He’s 22 years strong on this role of his. He’s someone that has never ever given up on me despite the crap I’ve put him through (trust me I have). & I don’t think he ever will. I hope not.
I may at times not appreciate my dad so openly like the other “Daddy’s Girls” do. But I know deep down in my heart that I do. The scar on my pinkie that never fades still says I do.
He always gets on me for being so close to my mom and not giving him the same treatment, but I am just one of those girls that gets along better with other women. Because I’m girly & sensitive and I relate better to people who are girly AND sensitive and a lot of them happen to be female.
But as I grow up, I kind of am becoming closer to my dad and understanding why he is the way he is and why he has these rules I have to follow through with. I don’t know how to tell him that because if I actually tell him, I don’t think he’ll really believe me. He’s a guy that believes in actions over words (a belief of mine also he passed on). So I will have to show him by taking his way of life and making it my own. This consists of getting an education, working hard, and going from very little to a whole lot on my own without anyone’s help.
My dad’s own father passed away when my dad was around my age. There was no one to pay for his college. No one to guide him on how to become a man. But he did become a man anyways. I don’t know how though but all I see now is a result or the effect.
& he is definitely the most important man in my life no matter what happens. Whether I keep my last name, whether I lose my last name, or whether I become nameless through the ages, I will still be his daughter and he will still be my Papa.
I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through this past year Dad and all the money I wasted. I’m sorry for being a nightmare of a child and for letting you down. I never meant to and I will definitely pay you back with interest. I will do the things I’m supposed to do and make this name of mine you’ve given me less generic than it sounds. Have my name in print and have people actually recognize it & respect it. Give myself a title and carry on your name.
Consider this a promise Dad. I pinky swear.
