Lyrics by A.L.

This has got to be my favorite hip hop song of all time.

Lyrics I need you. I breed you.

Despite all the shit that goes on in my life. Despite me putting myself in all this shit. Rhymes like these give me hope. Remind me that I’m not as alone as I fear to be.

When I was a little girl with no real friends in elementary and middle school, I would dictionary hop. Like if a word I heard somewhere sounded interesting enough, I would look it up. Then I’d stumble across another word. & then look that one up. This would go on for a while until I run out of finger bookmarks. & that’s when all of a sudden I’ll let go of the dictionary and those words I sought would be lost for a temporary forever. That put me on a high back then.

I’m obviously a more complex person now.

1. Seeing  little kids get excited about simple discoveries science has to offer whether it be in the classroom or in real life. It’s my favorite type of enthusiasm.
2. People advocating for what they love as hard as the fight may seem. It gives me hope and affirmation of my own mortality.
3. Receiving a random message at a random time of a day from a random person.
4. Song lyrics and poetry that put my feelings into words effortlessly.
5. Certain instrumental music. When the second guitar jumps in “Untitled” by Interpol, the guitar solo in “The Ocean (Moon Version)” by The Bravery, the piano and violin fucking each other in Ludovico Einaudi’s “A Fuoco”, Violin in Yann Tiersen’s “La Valse de Amelie”, etc.
6. Receiving a handwritten letter from a friend in the mail.
7. Being told to breath by someone who knows that I sometimes forget to.
8. Being told I’m gorgeous, beautiful, or pretty by some random stranger at first encounter
9. Grandparents and other people in India whose faces light up when I walk up the steps of their veranda. I cannot communicate a single sentence to them due to language barriers but this does not diminish their happiness in seeing me exist. It’s pretty awesome.
10. When people accept who and what I am and still feel the same way about me. It brings forth the biggest silent sigh of relief in me.

1. Sex traffickers in developing countries drugging their employees so that when the poor women/girls get saved by social workers, they’ve already built up a drug addiction causing the women/girls  to return out to the brothels of their own screwed up volition (because they’re addicted and the pimps are the only ones who give access to the drugs for free).
2. Beautiful girls being insecure about themselves and thinking they don’t deserve better than what they have or had.
3. People caring too much about money. It’s paper. Not happiness.
4. People telling two people that love each other that they can’t be with each other because the relationship poses a threat to their beliefs.
5. Sororistutes that act like the stereotype instead of themselves as individuals.
6. Guys who think they’re all about bros before hos when really they lose their sanity without the hos because their dick and mind are one in the same thing. Weak.
7. Indian aunties. Nuff said.
8. Seeing a genius or great mind not get credit (or even getting punished instead) in our capitalist driven society because her or his thinking is not in sync with what everybody aims for.
9. Getting awkward stares from people when I act chivalrous towards a guy with my high heels on. Women can be courteous too. It shouldn’t be that surprising.
10. Being treated like I’m 12 when I’m actually 21. I’m not as delicate and fragile as I seem Mom and Dad. Allow me to get hurt and learn from my mistakes. Let the scabs form so that when I pick at them they actually hurt.